I think sometimes people struggle to realize that support doesn’t have to be transactional. I was having a conversation with a friend about this recently. A couple of weeks ago, she was struggling with something and I didn’t know what to say. It was a stickier situation because what she was talking about is something that is personally a bit triggering for me.

Instead of just offering an ear, I panicked and launched into a monologue that would rival Shakespeare’s soliloquies in length. I realized it, right after the fact. But I felt horrible because I’d essentially managed to make it about me, when my aim was to try to commiserate.

She pointed out that I did not have to offer advice or try to show I can empathize because of x reason… which is what it sounds like your friend did, too. And I know this is true. I think it’s human nature to want to provide “proof” we “get it,” but the problem is we often cannot get whatever “it” is because we’re not going through it. And even when we are, it isn’t necessarily commiserating the other person needs, but rather just a safe place to share.

I’m sorry to hear about your daughter, and I hope the two weeks help her. Eating disorders are brutal, vicious things. Hang in there. I’m glad she has someone to help and support her.