Things they don’t tell you before WLS

Chapter 1

I wake up Sunday morning. I take a step. I cry out in pain from my big toe. I wobble down the hall and find myself thinking, oh no. Oh, fuck no. I do NOT have gout.

Side note: Gout feels like the most old-fashioned sounding medical term still used. Just me? Yeah, probably. Moving on.

I sit down to research. Symptoms: Nighttime onset with no prior trauma to affected area (check). Intense pain in the affected joint (check). Limited range of motion (I try to curl my toes and discover that only two of them move, so check).

But I don’t have the redness or swelling. There’s minor swelling. So I start to doubt gout.

Then I read about potential risk factors: Diet high in protein (check). Rapid weight loss (check).

Fuck. My. Life.

Never once did gout come up in a pre-op course I had to take. Nor was it mentioned in the post-op courses. The surgeon didn’t bring it up in our consult. But a few minutes of research taught me that gout can happen after bariatric surgery.

I try to get in to see my doctor, but he doesn’t have anything open before a follow-up I already had scheduled for Wednesday. So I wait. I start to worry it’s a break in one of the sesamoids. My doctor, however, confirms my original theory and says, at the same time as I do, overnight onset, rapid weight loss and high protein diet. Not kidding, we couldn’t have choreographed it better had we tried.