What the actual…
A. You knew you hadn’t had a vasectomy.
B. You knew she wasn’t able to get an IUD yet.
C. You continued having sex, despite feeling SO STRONGLY that another baby would ruin your life, while she waited to be able to get the IUD, knowing birth control can fail, and FYI, even IUDs fail sometimes… hell, even vasectomies can fail. It’s rare, but it happens.
D. You never discussed with her WHY she didn’t want you to have the vasectomy, but let me clue you in on a possible (if not likely) scenario — she was simply not 100% ready to abandon the idea of another child.
Sooo… who is really to “blame” here? Your wife, who did nothing wrong? Or you, who had such intense feelings about this that your marriage is essentially over due to this unplanned and unwanted (at least by you) pregnancy?
Your wife is pregnant, which means she’s hormonal… and now she’s faced with the reality that her marriage is never going to be the same, so she’s likely also scared. She already has a child with you (unfortunately for her), and now she is pregnant and the sperm donor wants nothing to do with a second child.
You’ve backed her into a corner that she has no good escape route from. She can’t win.
She can terminate a pregnancy — something it sounds like would be emotionally devastating for her. I notice you can’t even seem to type abortion or “terminate,” even though you expect her to go that route). FYI: A “Christian” who is pro-life (as you implied both of you are) until it’s inconvenient for them to be pro-life is a massive hypocrite.
She can continue with the pregnancy, knowing it means the end of your marriage for all intents and purposes, given what you’ve told her you’ll feel and/or do about it. She can deal with your resentment over the child (and believe me, that child WILL pick up on it, eventually, too). Or she can violate her moral code and end a pregnancy that I suspect she isn’t (or wasn’t) entirely unhappy about.
What she can’t seem to do is communicate honestly with you — because you’re a dictator in this marriage (you could leave the “tator” off that word, too). It’s your way, or she’s going to be unhappy.
Nevermind that what you expect her to do, what you’ve essentially emotionally blackmailed her into doing if she goes through with it, could impact her mental health for the rest of her life. Nevermind that it might make HER resent YOU… it’s all about what YOU want, isn’t it?
Honestly, if I were your wife, I’d be strongly considering talking to a divorce attorney… whether or not I went through with the pregnancy.
Barring a hysterectomy on her part, there is no 100% foolproof method to avoid pregnancy other than abstinence. And if I were her, I’d never be willing to take that risk, no matter how small, again after this nightmare.
My heart aches for her. I hope she will be okay. :(
